Parenting

Mrs. Curren makes some pretty bold statements about parenting on page 73. She asserts that "The comfort, the love should flow forward, not backward. That is a rule, another of the iron rules" (72). She is so stubborn and proud of her daughter for leaving South Africa and having her own life, that she will not admit that she really needs her daughter's support and care. As a parent she has in her mind to love unconditionally, and to be constantly giving to her children, expecting little in return. She says this is an iron rule, one instilled into many of her generation.

Mrs. Curren says her daughter is "like iron" and that she would never come back to South Africa even for her own mother. It's so sad. Mrs. Curren is in such pain and need of proper company and she feels like she cannot even ask her daughter to visit her. Vercueil makes his rebuttal by saying she is like iron too, to which she replies "If i were made of iron, surely I would not break so easily" (75). She feels like she has given all her own strength to her daughter and left none for herself. It seems almost like she is disappointed with herself for not being strong enough. She doesn't want her daughter to find out how weak/needy she really is. I find it interesting that she thinks she is so easily broken when she is so solid and stubborn (iron like) in her mindset.

I feel bad for her here that she has made herself feel so abandoned. The passage made me think of my own family, and I wonder about giving back to my own parents. Sometimes I get so caught up in moving forward in my life, in growing up, that I forget how much my parents have done for me. As a little kid you always look at your mom and dad with such awe. They seem so accomplished, strong and smart. As you get older you realize how human they are, and they can be just as needy and emotional as you. Even now, I cannot picture my parents as vulnerable people and I still want to believe they'll always know what to do. But I do think about my mother worrying and trying to help my grandfather, she is past my stage and has accepted her duty of giving back to her parents. My grandpa, like Mrs. Curren, is exceptionally stubborn and refuses to admit he needs any assistance or company. But of course my mother sees through this and she helps him and welcomes him anyway, but I cannot help to think that he may be under his own sort of "iron rule." Neither Mrs. Curren nor my grandfather are comfortable admitting their own vulnerability or mortality.